Running in circles, chasing our tails
by Amy Rochelle
Summary: What happens when Sara finally lets go of the only love she's ever known? What happens when that love comes back unexpectedly? Will they both finally stop chasing each other in circles? Two years following Forget Me Not. GSR.


_A/N: I've never written GSR. Well, kind of. But not in this capacity. I took a break from the CSI fandom because I wasn't getting any joy from it anymore. Or as much joy as you can get from a procedural drama about death. But, I started back when I heard Ted Danson was returning and he's breathed new life into the show for me and I enjoy it with the gusto that I used to._

_This is a GSR reunion fic, post Forget Me Not. I had spoken with Forensiphile about writing how I'd like the reunion to go, and she encouraged me to do it. Thanks to her, this story is written._

_Grissom is hard to write, so forgive me if he's OOC. He's a very complex character._

_Anyway, this story is dedicated to the wonderful group at YTDaW. Don't lose hope. This will hopefully tide you over until we get that happy ending. _

_Title is from Coldplay's "The Scientist"_

_Enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. They're the property of Anthony Zuiker and Jerry Bruckheimer. _

**~GSR~**

She walked into her house after a very long and very exhausting shift. She toed off her shoes by the door and hung her keys up on the hook. She walked into her bedroom and shrugged off her jacket, grabbing a hanger from the closet to neatly hang it up.

She entered into her evening routine.

_Put on pajamas._

_Put on soft music._

_Get bath._

_Get glass and wine._

_Relax._

It was like she could move on auto pilot she'd done it so many times before, but this time was different.

As she began to start her bath, she looked at herself in the mirror. She noticed the hint of crows feet in the corner of her eyes, but didn't even bother to care. Catherine would have panicked and added a little more makeup than necessary to hide her aging face. She was content with the way things were now. She hasn't been on a date in two years, just because she hasn't had the time. But in all honesty, her heart really isn't in it anymore.

She'd grown a lot in the last couple of years, but if she could turn back time, she would.

As she removed her shirt, something caught her eye. She looked down at her left hand.

Her wedding ring. She scoffed lightly. She'd forgotten she still had it on. It felt like it was apart of her finger because it had been there so long. Remembering to forgot got easier everyday.

She couldn't even really say she was married anymore. The last time she heard from him was the middle of last year, telling her he had a lead on his latest discovery and didn't know when he'd be able to be contacted.

She was angry at him. And herself. She was angry that she couldn't do anything to save her failing marriage. _Sometimes love ain't enough._ Wasn't that what the Patty Smith song said?

She smiled sadly and slid off her ring for the first time in 5 years as a slow tear ran down her cheek. It was finally time to let him go.

She set it on the counter next to her tooth brush, mentally reminding herself to put it in her jewelry box with the rest of her unworn accessories.

She slowly slid into the bath tub once she was undressed and reclined her head against the back of the tub.

Tears stung her eyes. The memories that they'd shared together in the last 15 years, good and bad, were nothing but empty promises and broken dreams now.

She let out a shaky sob, thinking about the future that she was never going to have with him. She gripped the side of the tub so hard her knuckles turned white as her silent tears racked her body and echoed off the walls of the bathroom.

It had been a long time since she cried like that. She'd been holding back for so long, it felt good. She felt free.

She laid in the tub long enough for the water to turn cold and her skin to wrinkle before she got up and dried herself off. She wrapped her robe around her body and slipped her feet into her slippers and made her way into the kitchen.

She was in the kitchen, reaching into the cupboard when she heard a soft knock at the door.

She'd been leery of visitors, ever since Basderic helped himself into her house, and she wasn't expecting anyone.

Cautiously, she made her way to the door, peeking into the peep hole. It was dark out and she couldn't make out the figure standing at her doorstep.

She opened the door gently and all the air left her body when she took in his presence as brown met blue.

"Sara."

She couldn't _think_.

"I-...um, hi Grissom."

They stood there awkwardly staring at each other before she realized he was standing outside.

She opened the door wider and gestured for him to come in.

He inhaled the familiar, yet somehow unfamiliar surroundings as he stepped into the house they once shared. He remembered the day they had bought the house, together, like it was yesterday. He'd picked her up after her shift on Swing, and they'd driven in a comfortable silence on the way there. She'd fell in love with it the moment she walked in and he'd smiled at the way her eyes lit up when she stood in the middle of the living room. They both looked at each other, eyes shinning bright, and knew it was perfect. It was _theirs_.

She closed the door, willing him away from his distant memory, and took a deep breath before she turned around to face him.

The silence was awkward before he spoke.

"It's good to see you."

"It's good to see you?" She shot back at him bitterly.

He opened and closed his mouth, speechless for once in his life. But he knew he deserved everything that was coming at him. Knew he deserved more.

"Well Grissom I wish I could say the same, seeing as how I haven't seen you and barely heard from you in two years." She snapped at him, her voice shaky as she began to let go of everything she'd been holding back for so long.

"Sara, I-"

"No. You don't get to explain yourself right now. Not after what you said last time, which pretty much said it all."

"I did it for your-"

"For my 'best interest'? Did you ever stop and think that maybe I'm a grown woman who can think for myself and are aware of my own best interests?"

His shoulders sagged, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger.

He took a breath and met her eyes. "I did what was best for both of us, Sara."

His words lingered in the air as they took seats across from each other. She folded her legs underneath her on the love seat, letting the air clear a little before he spoke again.

"I wanted you happy, Sara. I knew staying with me in my excavations, staying behind while I found the next dig, I was hindering you from a life of your own. I didn't want that and I know you didn't want that."

"Did it ever occur to you to come home after you were done with your latest excavation? That maybe you would choose me over your work?"

He looked up at her from his spot on the sofa and she watched him intently as he spoke to her with unshed tears in both their eyes.

"I didn't think you'd want me anymore. You had your life here in Vegas and I didn't know what was going to happen next. What you said? I deserved it. I shouldn't have assumed anything about how you felt. And I'm sorry."

She looked down, picking some invisible lint from her robe. She looked back up at him, the tears now evident on her face.

"Did you ever think for a second that what was in my 'best interest' was you, Gil? That I loved you and I needed you here with me?" She whispered.

He sighed. "Honey, I-"

She lifted her hand up to stop him. "I know you wanted me to be happy; that's what love is isn't it? Making sure the person is happy. With...or without you. For 13 years, all I wanted was for you to be happy and we were. For a time. But I've grown up Gil. Learned about who I was and that woman you married six years ago? She's not here anymore. I'm done chasing demons and ghosts and...I'm done chasing you. I'm exhausted."

He searched her face, hoping his ears weren't deceiving him. "I guess...I guess this is it then?" He swallowed, hoping something would change.

"I guess it is." She said in a shaky voice, knowing well she was lying to herself and to him.

He stood up, wiping his hands on his pants and just as he turned to go, she grabbed his arm.

"Tell me that I'm not giving up. Tell me that you're not giving up on us. Tell me that we're both done with this game."

He turned and looked down at her.

"I want to make you-"

"If you want to make me happy, you'll tell me that you're staying and that you're chasing me for a change."

He gave her a small smile, "Or we could both stop running."

She slid her hand down to his and squeezed it. He bent lower, at eye level with her, and his lips met hers in a kiss that felt like the first in forever because it was.

"I'll stay as long as you need me." He told her against her lips, eyes still closed in bliss.

She opened her eyes to look at him, smiling a little, "I'll always need you."

He opened his eyes and smiled back at her, "I think you found your answer."


End file.
